erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
