the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
