Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
