You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
