i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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