do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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