How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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