Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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