Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
