um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
