I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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