rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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