I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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