hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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