I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
