This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
