I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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