All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
