Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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