we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
