why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
