people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
