why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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