i may or may not be watching the land before time
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have tasted many bathrooms
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
