So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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