dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
