How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
