my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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