I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
