Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
