dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
