Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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