ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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