its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
