no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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