We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
