hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
