So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
