About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
