Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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