Jerry, you need to find god
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
