soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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