Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
