ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
