Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
