Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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