I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
