You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
