I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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