We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
