i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize