best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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