i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
