if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
