Princesses don't give blow jobs
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
