I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
