omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
