you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
