Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize