Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
