HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
