The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
