my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize