yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
