i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
