So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
