i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
