Just cropdusted the office
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
