WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
