I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize