Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
