I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize