im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
