WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
