I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Shame - the story of my life.
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