Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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