I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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