I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
