Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
