We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
