you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
