Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
