Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
