I met the friendliest cop last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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