Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Ladies don't puke and tell
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
