i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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