this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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