i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
